If you’ve ever been in love, have you ever felt… that it made you a little dumb?
What if I were to tell you that there’s actually a science study behind it? (Please don’t come after me Dr. Inna Kanevsky)
According to the 2013 study done in the Netherlands by Dr. Henk van Steenbergan, Dr. Steenbergan proposed that the process of falling in love can actually slow our brains down.
To conclude, our study is the first to show that high levels of passionate love of
Dr. Henk van Steenbergan
individuals in the early stage of a romantic relationship are associated with reduced cognitive control. Anecdotal evidence for effects of that sort have long been reported (cf. Tallis, 2005) but were never investigated before. Extending earlier research showing the importance of cognitive control for the maintenance of long-term relationships, our findings suggest that reduced cognitive control is an important aspect of passionate love and the initial stage of a romantic relationship.
Not only that, but I’ve also read an article on Elite Daily by Raven Ishak that talks about the 9 things you should NEVER give up when you’re in a relationship.
Now given that there’s a science study that theorizes that love can slow our brains down, something that we also need to take into account is the idea of your individuality and consciousness when you get into or are in a relationship.
As a Matchmaker, one of the things that I’ve learned and come to realize is that although relationships comes with its sacrifices, what are we willing to sacrifice for love?
Are we sacrificing the right things or are we dumb in love?
Although I have no place to talk considering that I am as single as a pickle and I’ve never actually been in love before, it’s very important to educate on this matter.
When in school, we’ve never been taught dating/relationship etiquette, the basic 101s, or the science behind love.
Because of this, we fall into cycles of “we live, make mistakes, and learn” instead of “educating the right and wrong way”.
It’s very important for not only individuals who are in relationships, but for people who are single, to know what to give in a relationship and what not to sacrifice.
That being said, whether single or in a relationship, here are some things to keep in mind that you should not give up when or in a relationship!
NOTE
I am not the author of Things You Shouldn’t Give Up In A Relationship and I am not claiming these facts as my own.
I will also not be listing all of the facts here as it is not my facts nor my original work.
If you would like to read the full article, please click here.
Other then that, let’s proceed!
THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER GIVE UP IN A RELATIONSHIP! | RELATIONSHIPS 101
Your Independence
Sadly, there have been some cases where couples are in the relationship too deep, that it can lead to you becoming so dependent on the other person.
It can even worsen to the point where you’re becoming so dependent, you become addicted to your partner!
If that’s the case, you’re losing your sense of self-consciousness.
You need to reach deep within yourself to understand that you need to steady yourself on the things that matter and know as a generality, that everything is going to be okay, both when you’re with and without your partner!
At the end of the day, you are an independent man/woman/individual and you shouldn’t allow someone, let alone yourself to control your freedom as a human being.
Just because you’re entering or in a relationship doesn’t mean in return, you are limited to certain independencies.
As a Matchmaker, when it comes to the idea of love, love should be two people loving each other for who they are, not having it being one-sided or turning it one-sided.
You should not feel as though you are trapped in a relationship. Because if that’s the case, a discussion should be in order.
Everyone has a voice; everyone can do what they please. You shouldn’t allow yourself or anyone dictate or play with that.
Your Dreams And Goals
Don’t you ever… EVER, put your dreams or goals to the side just because you’re in or entering a relationship!
It’s not fair to you if you’re sacrificing your dreams and goals if your partner’s not.
It goes back to independency- you’re limiting yourself.
Your dreams and goals play a key aspect to keeping your happiness. And allowing something to manipulate that, ask yourself, are you still going to be happy?
Think about it. If you start sacrificing what you wanna do or who you wanna be, you start losing what makes you unique and different not only in a career aspect, but as a whole.
If you ever fall in love, you need to make sure that your partner SUPPORTS WHAT YOU DO! Because if they don’t, guess what hun, it never works out in the end.
If you ask me, if anyone I was interested in made fun of, judged, or doesn’t support what I do for a living, they can pack up and get out!
Your Beliefs
Don’t let your partner or relationship dictate your beliefs, or worse, CONVERT YOUR BELIEFS!
PLEASE! DON’T LET THEM TRY AND CONVINCE YOU AND MOLD YOU TO THEIR DREAM PARTNER. Because if that’s the case, they ain’t your one and only.
Someone who loves you would never disrespect your beliefs or not support them.
Someone who loves you and is committed to will treat you with the respect and love you deserve!
Granted, not every couple will believe in the same thing and this is actually a topic that can DEFINITELY be worked out, at the end of the day, if they either disrespect or they don’t support your beliefs, whether it can be marriage, children, religion, politics, etc, you may need to reevaluate, because as a Matchmaker, it typically never works out.
Again, think about it. If you feel you are constantly arguing about your beliefs or it keep coming up in conversations with no avail, it’s not gonna work!
And I don’t believe in the BS of “we will work through it” or “our love for one another is strong”. If you can’t find a mean between two extremes, your wasting not only your time, but their time, and overall, valuable time.
Your Friends And Family
No new man/woman/individual should ever be guaranteed that #1 spot on your list before family and friends!
Let me tell you. If you ever get into situation when your partner makes you choose an ultimatum, you choose your friends and family!
Sadly, we don’t live in the perfect world where everyone knows that; there have been cases where the individuals choose their partner, thus creating this drift when it comes to their friends and family.
Unless your friend or family member did you so bad, that it’s causing more harm than good, there is no reason to choose your partner over the people who have been there for you longer or since day 1!
It even gets petty sometimes where your partner doesn’t like the said friend and/or family member and if it’s not choosing an ultimatum, some partners think “it’s so slick” to manipulate or turn you against your said family member or friend.
I’m sorry, if it goes to that point, tell them to pack up and don’t let the door hit you on the way out!
And again, we don’t live in the perfect world, so there will be instances in which your partner and said family member/friend won’t get along, but that’s why theirs something called “A mean between two extremes” with this mean being civil and respect being the answer.
And if more harm comes out of it than good, you may need to reconsider your situation.
Your Identity
Please… just please…. don’t you EVER change who you are because of a relationship!
Who you are as a person is very important!
And you are unique, different, and beautiful in your own way.
So when it comes to couples changing one another, or worse, they literally turn into the same person, it defeats the purpose on why you fell in love with that person.
Now although entering or being in a relationship changes how you may view certain life situations, that doesn’t mean you need to start losing sight of who you are as a person.
It’s actually scary in today’s modern time; especially when it comes to my generation, Gen Z. When people that I know start to change, whether that’s appearances or though processes, people can do complete 180s. And that’s something we can’t take likely; it’s scary!
Being who you are is why your partner fell in love with you. That alone is more sincere and sexier compared to having your partner morph you into “their” dream partner.
Let someone love you for YOU!
And if they start to say BS like “I like if you would do this for me” or “Would you be open to this”, you may need to start saying, “Would you be open to taking time apart… permanently?”
Overall
As a Matchmaker, it comes no to surprise that not every relationship is perfect. However, there are things that you should not tolerate. And instead of sacrificing them “in the name of love”, you need to take advantage of your life once again before falling victim!
Because at the end of the day, you deserve someone who will love you for you!
It’s already enough to know that love makes us a little dumb. We shouldn’t make it 10x worse by sacrificing the wrong things.
I will admit that whenever I’ll fall in love, I’ll probably fully immersed myself in the experience by being fully committed.
HOWEVER, if you dare try to change me, change who I am, or take advantage of any of the 9 things I should never give up in a relationship… I wish a bitch would.
