One of the many lessons that I was taught is understanding the key dealbreakers when it comes to dating. Now I’ll admit- people have preferences when it comes to dating and finding their ideal partner because it fits their “criteria” and that’s what they’re truly attracted to at the end of the day. But let’s face it people: THOSE ARE JUST PREFERENCES! Do you want to know the 3 key dealbreakers that will make or break a connection?
I believe that due to Swiping Culture, individuals are truly becoming more specific to their preferences when it comes to finding their ideal partners.
And again, while I agree people have preferences, at the end of the day, THEY’RE JUST PREFERENCES!
As a mentee under Celebrity Matchmakers, Dating Experts, and Sisters, Alessandra Conti and Cristina Conti Pineda, I was taught that there are only 3 key dealbreakers that are absolutely essential when it comes to dating!
These dealbreakers truly make or break the connection to anyone you are talking to romantically.
You can be dating the most amazing person in the world, but when you find out that they fall under one (or more) of the three key dealbreakers and they’re not open to your dealbreaker(s), in the words of my amazing bosses/mentors:
“It’s time to say GOODBYE!“
THE 3 KEY DEALBREAKERS WHEN IT COMES TO DATING!
1. Do you want to get Married?
VERY IMPORTANT and ESSENTIAL when it comes to dating!
To my girls and to my bros, it’s truly a gut/intuition feeling that truly puts butterflies in your stomach!
If your gut/intuition is telling you that marriage is a must, then that’s something that has to be addressed upfront.
Now I’m not telling you to go up to the man/woman you’re dating and be all:
Hi. My name is so and so, it’s nice to meet you and I want to get married. Do you?
But it’s a topic that has to be discussed before you become exclusive with one another.
What’s also essential to note is the concept of “When”.
There’s a difference between “Wanting to get married in 2 years” compared to “Wanting to get married in 5+ years”.
If you’re ready to take that next step and begin that next chapter, it’s essential your partner is on the same page or else it’ll just crumble.
Like I said before, individuals who want to get married within a year to 2 year time frame have a different mindset compared to individuals who want to casually date or marry 5+ years down line.
The same thing applies to individuals who don’t want to get married.
If the idea of partnership is all you need, then that’s all you need.
So going into a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to get married now, but married down the line, is crucial.
It’s important again to be upfront because then, the relationship is just bound to crumble.
Even if you have the most amazing connection with this person you’re talking to, one thing that you can never do in relationships is convert someone to be open to a different view.
Then you’re just making your dream husband/wife/partner.
It doesn’t matter how amazing they are, because when the topic of Marriage comes up, and they’re either wanting to get married and has no plans to get married, then it’s a recipe for disaster!
So make sure when you are dating seriously, before you become exclusive, you need to discuss about the institution of marriage. It’s essential!
2. Do you want to have Children?
Another key essential that you can’t play around the bush!
And like I said before, it’s a gut/intuition feeling.
It’s very important to understand that you need to be with someone who is on the same page with you!
And when it comes to the topic of children, if you both desire to have children:
Make sure you both know what you’re getting yourself into!
And I’m not talking about the topic of you and them and the idea of wanting to have children, but I’m talking about:
Are you ready for the harsh 9 months to come
Are you ready to deal with sleepless nights
Are you ready to deal with diapers
Are you ready to adjust to a different lifestyle
For women: Are you ready to deal with the trimesters, the symptoms, the body changes, etc.
For men: Are you ready to commit, be by your partner no matter what, ready to be father, etc.
If you decide not to perceive a baby, are you ready for the adoption process
Are you ready for this change
There’s a lot that goes into having children.
And if you’re on the side that doesn’t want to have children:
Do you understand that the dating pool decreased significantly for you? Are you okay with that?
It’s a big deal.
And as a note, I understand that depending on the time of your life, you may not have reached that stage yet of knowing 100% if you want or don’t want children, but the key to note is
As long as you both are open with one another about having children, that’s important IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT!
For individuals who don’t want children, you thought about it, and you’re still not open to it, be mindful and date individuals who are in the same mindset as you.
Even if you’re dating someone and you’re not open but they are, it’s a disaster waiting to occur.
For me as a 22-year-old, I know that I am no where near ready to have children whatsoever. But that being said, do I imagine myself with a child 10 years down the line, yes, I do. So it’s very important to think ahead, be kind to yourself, and think about it.
3. Are you Religious compatible?
This dealbreaker hits near and dear to my heart specifically as I am not only an Up-And-Coming Matchmaker, but I am also a Catholic man.
Not only that, but at Matchmakers In The City, we work with a lot Catholic, Christian, Jewish, and other devoted faith bachelors and bachelorettes.
So when it comes to religion, not only does compatibility matter, but there’s underlying value that comes with it.
Let’s use myself for example: All my life, I grew up under the Catholic faith.
That being said, if I’m talking to a man that I’m interested in who’s also of Catholic faith, there’s familiarity and comfortability that comes from that, but also, a sense of attractiveness.
Parallel, it’s also important to understand religious compatibility when it comes to family values and what they stand for in their religion.
Although at the end of the day, it’s your life and you choose who you fall in love with, the problem is that you need to make sure that familial wise, you are able to marry someone outside your original religion or find compatibility/sacrifices when it comes to religion.
Let’s use me as an example again, let’s switch up the situation and let’s say I’m talking to a man seriously who’s of Jewish faith.
Not only will you both need to have that talk of compatibility and having permission to marry someone outside your faith, but we both would have make sure if we’re willing to sacrifice and cope with religious lifestyles.
For example, if he prays 3 times a day and/or partakes in Shabbat, am I okay with that?
Same with him, I partake in the praying The Holy Rosary, is that okay with him?
If it’s a no, then that’s not religious compatibility.
As told by my amazing bosses/mentors in their video, I will be retelling you a story of Bachelorette A and Bachelor B in a shorter context.
Bachelorette A and Bachelor B met and they were compatible when it comes to everything else. Not only that, but they truly were attracted to one another and they really started to get serious, to then get exclusive.
However, the one topic that didn’t come up seriously was religion. It did come up as a topic of discussion, with Bachelorette A being of one faith and Bachelor B being another, but not taken seriously.
Long story short, OUT OF ALL THE DAYS OF THE YEAR THAT THIS INCIDENT COULD’VE OCCURRED, IT WAS CHRISTMAS EVE when Bachelorette A offered Bachelor B to go to Christmas Mass…
and let’s just say things sadly went down hill from there and they didn’t get their happy ending due to religious compatibility.
Which brings back to subject the idea of the perfect man/woman and them falling under one (or more) of the key dealbreakers.
Again, they can be perfect, but once they fall under one of the dealbreakers, it can truly make or break the connection!
It was really difficult for Bachelorette A to accept the fact that this man checked all the boxes, but the one box that he didn’t check was one of her key boxes, which was religion.
So it’s important overall to see how the 3 dealbreakers, Marriage, Children, and Religious Compatibility factors when it comes to dating.
Hi friends… I missed y’all.
Can you believe it’s been a month already… god time flies… when you’re all over the place and not organized…
Yeah…literally no excuses.
I’m so sorry for the lack of posts.
Like I said in the past posts before, I am dealing with a big, major family issue that has come about and I’m not going to lie to you all, it’s still something that I am not over, so I encourage you all to bear with me as I am dealing with something very personal!
Again, I am so, profusely sorry for the inconvenience and for the lack of posts because of it!
I really don’t want that to be an excuse for my lack of posting, but sadly, it did heavily affect my motivation to write.
I still can’t say what happened because it’s still fresh and very private, but I will say the situation that has occurred is getting better…ish.
Like literally, I thought I was better and I would be on WordPress on a post in the making, and literally every time, motivation was really not there, and something that I want to let everyone know is that I hate creating a post with no passion behind it, because then, what’s the point of the post if I didn’t put my 100% in it.
And even though I remembered saying in a past post that due to work commitments, outside projects, and this family life event occurring, I’ll still get posts out there, even if it’s not my 100%, I highkey regret it because that’s not what West Bloom Avenue is about.
West Bloom Avenue is about empowering the next generation of individuals through positive empowerment. So literally, being 100% transparent, I’ve put my 100% to every post. Not one post was less than that.
And honestly, I don’t want to put content out to the world if it’s not my best. That’s why I rather take my time, even through lack of motivation and procrastination.
Parallel, I thought that I would be able to get posts out sooner because I’ve been getting better-ish, but honestly, I’ve created high expectations for myself and promised something that I ended up not keeping, and on top of that, something called:
The U.S Election
occurred. Thus creating:
Because I live in a city that’s very forward and passionate about Politics. Leading to more:
Lack of Motivation + Procrastination
But, I was able to find times within my current schedule to find the motivation and just write my heart out finally.
Also, did I mention that COVID is still a thing…
Yeah, that alongside everything I stated above, was just the icing on the cake.
Yeah 2020 is not my year WHATSOEVER! I should put that in post form…
(That’s actually not a bad idea…)
But that being said, I’m hoping by the end of this year, I should be able to get SOME OR MORE posts out there (Please let me actually get at least 2 or more of my many in progress posts out there at least) and start 2021 strong with a schedule that I can actually commit to! Lol
In my defense, I had a lot that happened this year.
I can literally list them all but honestly, that’s not a bad idea for a post, because there’s an underlying lesson behind it actually.
But back on topic, even if it’s just 1 post per 2 weeks or 1-2 posts per month, I want a blog posting schedule for once you know…
And I also want posts out there instead of promising to post in a certain time frame that I can’t even get posted because nothing is done.
Yeah my 2020 sucks I’m not going to lie… but I’m determined to finish strong!
So all of that mess being said, I hope you all have been staying safe!
I encourage you all to keep thinking positively; I know that 2020 has not been great, but we have to keeping forward in order to create a better future for ourselves.
Make sure to follow for new posts and subscribed to my blog to get the latest updates!
Other then that, I really hope to see you soon in another post and not around Christmas!
Take care and I love you all for your support for WBA! I shall continue to keep striving and doing my best!