Just when you think everything is going well… you never hear from them ever again. What happened? I thought you liked me? Were you using me? Did I take this too seriously? Etc. I’m talking about “Ghosting”. Ghosting sucks! What should you do at that moment? How should you react? What is the appropriate way to move on once you get ghosted?There are three things you should do once you get ghosted!
Life is so unpredictable. And sometimes, life makes you run into a certain someone.
You find this certain someone as different; you find them to be very much so physically attractive, then upon meeting them, you find them to be psychologically attractive, thus making you want to know more about them.
You then run into a position in which you are becoming vulnerable to this individual.
You start to become emotionally attracted to this individual for all the right reasons. They check most to everything in your dream partner requirements.
Time goes by and you are in a position now in which you are really starting to fall for this person. You want to see where it goes with this person and hope that they feel them same.
And then… they go MIA.
One hour of being unresponsive turns to one night, one night turns into one day, and then one day turns into one week…
And then realization hits…
Did I just get ghosted?!?!
If they haven’t responded to you in a week… yes, yes you did.
And to all of my single beings out there who have never been in this position before, consider this a blessing in disguise. Because ghosting sucks…
How would I know? I’ve been ghosted myself.
But don’t worry about me readers! I’m 100% fine. I’m actually quite an understanding, moving on type of individual…
Okay so maybe I’ve gone through a few ice cream bars and went through the five stages of grief. But as time went on, I got over it.
Will I ever tell the story in full detail with a story time post?
Potentially…. not.
But what I can do as an individual who wants to make your day 100 times better is to give you input on the right steps to do once you do get officially ghosted.
For individuals who don’t know, according to Psychology Today, the term “Ghosting” “is abruptly ending communication with someone without explanation.”
In this day and age with technology and individuals evolving everyday, it’s so easy to become attached to an individual.
You want their attention and you hope this other individual feels the same way you’re feeling.
But sometimes, the sad reality is that some individuals just can’t reciprocate those feelings back and sadly, they’ll turn you down, even in the most harshest method of ghosting.
For some, they shack it off and move on to their day, but for others, they take it hard.
It’s never easy being ghosted. You want the clarification so that you can move on with your life. But also, you want to know what happened.
You want to know what to do once you get ghosted.
As an up and coming Matchmaker and as someone who works at a matchmaking company, working alongside fellow, amazing Matchmakers, this is a question that gets brought up a lot when it comes to moving on once you get ghosted.
My amazing bosses/mentors, Celebrity Matchmakers, Dating Experts, and Sisters, Alessandra Conti and Cristina Conti Pineda, made a video on their YouTube Channel, Matchmakers In The City Show, talking about the only three things you should do once you get ghosted.
Honestly, if I knew these three things sooner, I wouldn’t have made the mistakes I made when I got ghosted…
But at the same time, I was at a much different place in my life at that time.
But without further ado, if you would like to watch the said video, please click here!
Otherwise, here are the three things you only need to do once you get ghosted.
GHOSTING SUCKS! THE 3 THINGS YOU SHOULD DO ONCE YOU GET GHOSTED!
Get Closure.
I know what you may be thinking: “That’s what I’ve been trying to do!”
However, you may be surprised. Take a second to just breathe and look at everything as a whole; you may have been one of the following of: sending out that last text or have the case of “overly sensitive syndrome”.
It’s always good to backtrack and look at past texts and even the last time you and the other person hung out to see where everything has led up to this point.
It’s always good to look at everything as a whole and figure out if you were actually ghosted or you were just being overly sensitive; like I said before, we want that love and we want that affection, that it may come of as “too much”.
This is called “Fluke or Flaw”; Is this just a one time thing or is this what I think it is (ghosting).
I know in my case, I had overly sensitive syndrome… it makes so much sense now.
The best case scenario to approach this situation is to get that closure.
It’s not the best idea to spam their phone to get a response.
It’s always good to come across as open, honest, but most importantly, calm, so that you can get your word across and they can reciprocate your response.
“Hey! How are you?”, “How’ve you been?”, “How’s your morning so far?”. Etc.
It’s not until they don’t reply back to you, leave you on read, or worst case, don’t even get/receive your messages, THEN, you have been officially ghosted.
So if you have been officially ghosted, what do you do from here?
Step 2: Mourn their death!
Of course this is hypothetically speaking. But seriously!
When you have been ghosted, understand that it has nothing to do with how amazing and fabulous you are as a human being!
This is just the case in which it’s them and where you are and where they are in their lives.
It could be that they’re not ready for such a big commitment, they can’t recipricate the feelings back, or they may not be ready for what you bring to the table.
When it comes to the next step, it’s so important to know that you are still living your life and you deserve to live the best life and move on from this individual.
It’s going to be hard, yes, but you are a strong and passionate individual who has life to tackle!
There’s so many things you can do to mourn their death.
According to my boss, Alessandra, it’s so important to “Mope, then cope”.
Give yourself the time to really feel that “loss” and take baby steps to move on.
When your in this period of “mourning”, with the power of social media, it’s key to either “mute” or “unfollow” them.
By having them on social media, it’ll increase your chances of seeing their next post, story, update, etc.
We’re trying to move on and live on our daily lives and by muting or unfollowing them, it makes it seem as though we are in a way “mourning” and moving on with our lives.
Take the social media step as a “burial”; the last nail in the coffin before you officially move on.
In my case, it’s so important to go through the “5 Stages Of Grief”.
The 5 stages of grief when it comes to ghosting include the follow scenarios:
- Denial: Denying that you’re actually in the process/got ghosted.
– “No… there’s no way.” “They must be busy or something.” “Maybe I should text them.” “Maybe something happened and they can’t be on their phone.” - Anger: The feelings of being ghosted or in the process of being ghosted get the best of you.
– “HOW DARE THEY GHOST ME?!” “I DID NOTHING WRONG!” “HOW COULD THEY!” “I’M A GOOD PERSON, I DON’T DESERVE THIS!!” - Bargaining: Convincing yourself of “What if’s” and “If Only” moments when feeling vulnerable or helpless during the process of ghosting.
– “If only I didn’t text so much”, “What if I act this way during our date”, “What if I did this”, “If only I did that”, etc - Depression: Self explanatory…
– “I can’t believe they ghosted me…”
According to Healthline, this is a common encounter when it comes to a death to a love one, loss of a job, end of a relationship, and now, when you get ghosted.
First off, not everyone experiences all 5 stages, but in the case of ghosting, you potentially may go through all of them, and to me, that’s totally fine. I think going through all the stages makes it easier for you to move on as an individual.
Second, grief is different for everyone, so levels of each stages may differ from one another, but it doesn’t mean that they’re not going through the stage overall.
This all leads to the last thing and the last step of grief you should do when you get ghosted…
Last but not least, build a bridge and get over it! // Step 5: Acceptance
It may seem like this individual was the one, but in reality, this is just a blessing in disguise!
Being ghosted, you may be asking yourself how is this a blessing? This individual was different compared to the others. Why should I be happy that I got ghosted?!
But understand that it’s a clear sign that this individual was not “your other half”.
There is nothing that you need to worry about!
Remember that you are an amazing individual who is the star of your own show.
When it comes to your show and the person who ghosted you, this person was nothing more than an “extra” on your set.
You still have all the time in the world to find that “co-star”.
If you constantly think of this person who ghosted you, it’s only going to wear you down.
Once you been ghosted, ofc, go through the steps and through the five stages of grief, but at the end of the day, it’s so important to keep in mind that this is your life at the end of the day and you’re capable of attacking and being the star of it!
It’s going to be hard, but at the end of the day, you’re better than being the “ghosted”. You deserve to find your other half, but until they come into your life, you should live your best life!
Announcement
Hey everyone! I hope you all are having a lovely day and are staying safe and sound during this time!
First off, I’m so sorry for being MIA.
It’s not because work has been hectic, but more so, life has been hectic with a personal issue coming up.
In due time, I’ll come out and say what’s been going on. But not right now.
As for the announcement, due to this life event occurring, blog posting will be sporadic for the time being.
At most, I will try and post every week. Worst comes to worst, 2-3 weeks. But I don’t plan on ever quitting this blog EVER! So don’t get any ideas! Okur!
Other than that, I hope you enjoyed my first ever Dating/Relationship post!
I would love to get more of this content out considering that I am working under a matchmaking company and working up the ladder to become a matchmaker!
Also, when it comes to the topic of love, dating, and relationships, it’s so interesting to dissect and having working with some of the best matchmakers, it’s truly eye-opening.
More to come!
But other then that, I wish you all are well.
Continue to stay safe and stay healthy and I’ll see you in a week to if comes to worst, 3 weeks!
Love you all!
Warm Regards,
Anthony
